17th Feb, 2008

The Struggle of Russell’s Parents

russell_groff2.jpgBy Carolyn Groff

When I started writing Russell’s story, I had to do a lot of praying that I would do what God wanted me to. I wanted to tell our story with the love of Jesus Christ. It is hard to imagine the ways Satan can find to attack us, steal the hearts and minds of our children and other loved ones. I know that Satan will attack this story, but we must go on with God’s strength.

We feel the need to talk about all the facts surrounding this court case, and about Russell before and after his death from HIV/AIDS. Some homosexual activists, have viciously slandered us from the beginning. Nothing made sense about Russell’s death, illness, and how he died. It was dreadful how we were treated when he died.

We started on a journey to find answers, because nothing made sense. If we had not been in such grief, we would have known something was wrong. Signs of something dreadful started popping out at us, one thing right after the other after his burial.

We started on a quest to find what happened to our son, and we left no rock unturned. We started finding things we could not believe, and after three months of working diligently, we started finding answers.

The truth came out in court, but because of the lawyers we got, we did not even get to use the information we worked so hard to get. We did have expert testimony that was a sure thing, but the Judge did not want to hear it, because she liked Kevin. The attorney’s law clerk told us she like Kevin. 

Things that did not get to come out in court, because it was a homosexual case…..

We were the legal next of kin, so because after a three-month ordeal of dealing with the hospital, no one had filed a will, so we got the medical papers.  We had to find the truth, and when we did it was shocking! We felt like Russell had died all over again. There had been a cover up, one we believe was so cruel and calculated. When I saw the medical papers and found out that Russell had died of AIDS, I about went crazy. I called my husband, ( Lowell )at work, and he rushed home. When I told him about the medical papers, I was afraid he would have a heart attack. Both of us could not believe what had happened. We were told he had a heart attack, and if we had not pursued this, we would never had known the truth.

This was so cruel and painful for anyone to do to a family. To think the truth had been kept from us, for what we believe was to protect the people involved. Later, we found more reasons why we had been lied to about everything.

We knew we had to try and find out what had happened. Parents do things like this when they love their child as much as we loved Russell. We have the answers now, and in our hearts we know the truth. We couldn’t get the legal system to work for us, because of it being a homosexual agenda. The case proved to be not just emotionally damaging, but financially disastrous. We never thought we would have to go through so much, just to get our son a decent burial. This is what we set out to do, but the stories on the Internet and in court were told in a different way.

We offered Russell’s homosexual partner, (Kevin Olive) the money in the estate to let us have our son’s body. But Olive did not want this, because it would have meant giving up control of Russell’s body and his money. (Kevin, who was several years older than Russell, was the dominant person in the relationship. He manipulated and controlled our son. There came to be more money involved than the estate money. We did not want any of Russell’s blood money, all we wanted was for our son to be properly buried where his family would be.

Gay organizations and web sites started raising money for the Kevin to fight us. Kevin is a second grade school teacher, and the school where he worked, got him an attorney. This attorney gave him a discount because he worked for the school system. Can you imagine that!!!  This attorney was very disrespectful to us.

We were blatantly slandered in the Baltimore and Washington newspapers about everything. We did not give interviews, but it was said I did…. We are now talking on this website in hopes to help those who are in a situation like our son. We need to be able to get the truth out about all the lies that have been told. Kevin didn’t need the money from the funds being raised on the Internet, because he gained a lot of money from Russell’s death.

Kevin got money from all sides, he became very well off from Russell’s death. There is more to this story than I can write now, but eventually everyone will know all that happened. I am working hard to get all these things in order. Luckily I kept a lot of files and a lot of investigation that never came out.

One of the things we found during this court case, was the fact that there was a joint bank account. Kevin stated in court, he took care of all the finances. This really seemed strange to us, Russell always was a good manager of his finances. Russell had been saving his money to buy a car, but we don’t know what happened to that money, it was never made to be accounted for. We asked for an accounting, then the checks that had been put into the joint account of Russell’s should have been accounted for, only half was Kevin’s. This did not happen.

 When we read a study on, “Homosexual Control ” then a light went off. This joint bank account was one of the things that is most always involved in control. He controlled Russell’s pay check. There are more things that I will talk about later.

We have a right to talk about these things that are facts,we believe we have proven. Those involved have certainly exhibited their freedom of speech when the facts given were not true.

Russell always took care of his money from an early age, he worked hard for what he had. Russell didn’t have everything handed to him on a silver platter. All of our children had jobs, and learned the value of a dollar. They were really good children. At the age of about ten, Russell started collecting boy scout collectibles and metal lunch boxes, (these are really valuable now). He sold them in our antiques business to earn extra money. He then went on when he was sixteen, working various jobs, and in the second year of college, he came home and told us of being involved in the homosexual lifestyle. Even after Russell told us about being involved in the lifestyle, we tried to continue helping him, we did not agree with him, but he was our son. We hate the perception that has been given, that we disowned our son. Anyone who knows us, knows what we have gone through with dealing with all of this, trying to keep him in our lives, while not embracing the lifestyle.

Russell’s insurance at work did not name his partner as beneficiary, but other life insurance policies, (taken out after he was HIV) named the partner as beneficiary. The partner ended up getting the insurance benefits from Russell’s work along with benefits from other life insurance policies. It was proven from the medical records, that Russell was not competent to sign the will and burial papers, at the time these were purported to have been signed. The Judge did not agree with all of the evidence we produced, she agreed with two witnesses who were friends of the partner. It was not even prestented by the attorney information about Kevin moving him to another hospital when he was dying, we believe to hasten his death when Kevin knew we were coming up there by plane. There was no reason for him to do this, it was a disgusting maneuver. He could not afford for us to get there.

During the court case at one of the mediation meetings, I referred to the story of King Solomon and the two prostitutes and the decision he made concerning who he knew was the real mother. Anyone who knows God’s word, knows of this story. The real mother was willing to give up getting the child because she loved him and did not want to see him destroyed. We were willing to give up our son, (not to be able to see him, if that was what had to be) before we would tell him a lie that may destroy him was okay. Even though there was not a minute of the day, we were not thinking of our son, we could not tell him a lie. The lie of homosexuality did destroy Russell’s precious life. This was very hard for us, not to see or hear from our son, but he was completely controlled and brainwashed. We found it very hard to be able to contact him, when he went to Baltimore. We knew he was being alienated from us, but we couldn’t do anything about it, but pray and turn him over to the Lord.

I am sure there are many out there in the same situation, that are brainwashed into believing the lies of Satan. I would love to tell the parents to never give up, and keep praying for the loved one in this situation. If these people involved in the homosexual lifestyle could see that it is not worth losing their life for, and losing it in such a dreadful way. Russell never thought he would get this horrible disease, as all involved in this lifestyle does. Russell trusted the wrong people! The loss of our son has not only destroyed our son’s precious life, but ours too.

The pain and suffering that Russell had to go through, was devastating. I want to tell this to everyone, and hope and pray it may be heard and listened to. Perhaps God will lead those to this site who will be helped by knowing what Russell went through.

Russell was part of us, we did everything we could for our son while he was living; the sacrifice to bury him right, should prove we were willing to do anything for him. We will never get over losing him……………

During Russell’s last years, (in Baltimore) he had to walk to and from work in the freezing cold and rain, up and down hills for several blocks. He worked at night, so we worried about his health and safety. He was talked into selling his nice Saturn, and put the money for a down payment on a Jeep. When Russell slid into a car on ice, he was no longer allowed to drive the Jeep anymore. He still had to make payments on it. Soon he came home on the bus, and we thought finally we could help him. We believe a lot of things happened to make him leave and come home, as he talked about some of them. It was a painful time for him. The partner came here and started trouble, to get him back to Baltimore.

Russell was walking to and from work when he got so sick with AIDS. I can imagine how hard it was for him, having congestive heart failure too. We found this out in the medical records, and it shocked us, (his dad has congestive heart failure). It was heart breaking to find he had this health problem, and with his asthma he most likely had a really hard time breathing while walking to and from work.

Russell quit work in September 19, 2004, after having succumbed to the horrible AIDS virus. Russell was very sick according to the medical records in September.

His partner got him out of his sick bed, and made him to Florida on vacation, (where he stated he went every year.) Why didn’t he go on without Russell and let him stay at home in bed. Maybe he was afraid he might call home…….. It is hard to imagine that Russell’s best interest was in mind when the partner decided to go on such a long trip. This trip had to be very hard on him. His partner stated he was so sick he had to stay in the motel all the time.

Then in October 2004, (the month after that)his partner made him go to his class reunion in North Carolina. The partner stated Russell had to stay in the motel room because he was so sick there too. He also stated that Russell was moody and grumpy, which sounded like he did not have any feelings for Russell. The partner, we believe had little concern for the health of our son.

It was hard for Russell to make both of these long trips. We believe it was because there was a fear that Russell would call us. One letter that was written to one of our attorneys through a letter writing campaign to get them to walk out on us, told of Russell thinking about telling us. All of this was horrifying to us, as we could tell by the medical records Russell was very sick. They had to leave the reunion and and come home early. Russell was admitted to the hospital where he almost died at that time. He suffered a heart attack, and was put on a respirator. He went down hill from there. He was entered in the hospital on October 20, 2004, (on return from the partner’s class reunion in North Carolina) and died on November 23, 2004.

The gay community had started posting things all over the Internet to start raising funds for the partner to fight the parents to keep them from getting their son’s body moved and buried properly. The gay community was being used by all the lies that had been told.

So much stuff was stirred up that we and another person had death threats. Everything that was told about us was untrue. What had been said by the partner and his friends were nothing but pure slander, and these are some of the things we want to talk about. He was not desperate for money, he got a lot of money from Russell’s death, and we have found that we can meet him with these lies.

If he really cared about Russell, why didn’t he mortgage his house, like his dad and I did? After all Russell had been paying on it. We would have sacrificed anything to help Russell when he was alive, and we would after he died. We believe Russell thought he was part owner of the house. In one letter the partner sent to our attorney where Russell was writing to a friend, Russell said he would be making the payments on the house. That was something the partner did not see when he sent the letter to our attorney. More about those letters later.

Why didn’t he dip into his retirement fund, as his dad did. Why didn’t he get a job, instead of staying on the computer all the time, having others bum money for him. He stated in court deposition, that he and his friends were computer nerds and they were ready for the Groffs. I assume that was a statement that told how they would attack and slander us.

If he was so desperate, why didn’t his parents help him, we believe they were eager to interfere with everything to keep us from our son? Lowell’s salary is very meager, and he has to work ten and twelve hours a day, and in bad health, to pay bills from this case. The parents are both attorneys, (and always interfered with our relationship with Russell)and could afford to help him with legal fees.

Letters were written to our attorney by Olive’s mother in which she blatantly slandered us with one phrase, accusing us of “wanting to brandish about the idea that our son had a two-year diagnosis of HIV and died of AIDS, which was according to her son, was not true.” She was trying not to be involved, but she was setting by Russell when he died,(which we should have been) and that is something we feel was despicable because she and her husband were the ones who took care of us not being able to see our son before he died. She knew he died of AIDS……………. All of this is well documented in two letters from her.

In another letter we received a copy of the burial paper from her, that had yet again been altered. Why would an attorney send a document that had been evidently, we believe been pulled through a copy machine. It was smeared over the sloppy work and content of the document. This is all documented about this burial paper, and how we were refused another legible copy of the document. An attorney should know better than to send a document like that to someone. Maybe it was thought we were idiots. We believe this was something that should have been considered in court, along with the other two versions, but the attorney did not present but one of the three versions of this document. Our attorney did not present this copy of the document to the Judge, as we felt he was not going to fight for us.

On the Internet sites, people were sending money in Russell’s name to a pay pal address. This was to fight the parents of this young man who just wanted to give him a decent burial. We believe all of this was to keep control and exploit Russell’s death for the homosexual agenda, just like the gay wedding. We believe Russell just gave up and let his partner have his way. You have to know who Kevin is, and how he can manipulate, to know he probably aggravated Russell till he gave in to that gay wedding. I know how Russell felt controlled by Kevin. I think he was even afraid of him. The wedding never took place before he got so sick. We believe Russell thought his wishes would be carried out if he did as his partner asked. Our hearts grieved for Russell everyday when he was alive. It was like he had been devoured into something we could not even explain…………………something so dark and unbelievable. Homosexuality is not who you are, it is a choice. No one is born that way.

Russell was our son and we believe he would never wanted things like they happened. He should be buried with dignity, this is a horrible way his body was buried. Spending all the money we could borrow, we still didn’t get our son moved to his final resting place. We believe his spirit will never be at rest where he is buried. We will never give up getting him buried properly. The things that have been done to us at his grave-site, would make anyone wonder how anyone who is supposed to be religious, can be so cruel and cold hearted.

We will continue this story, and we must Pray without Ceasing for the ones still involved in this lifestyle.

Carolyn and Lowell Groff

I Thessalonians 5:17 Pray without ceasing
Psalm 31:3 For thou art my rock and my fortress; therefore for thy name’s sake lead me, and guide me.
Psalm 31:13 For I have heard the slander of many; fear was on every side; while they took counsel together against me, they devised to take away my life.

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