6th Feb, 2008

Russell’s smiles

Things about Russell are so easy to remember…..scan0017.JPG………. the veins in his hands, his long fingers…… (like his grandfather’s) and three folds of skin bunched up around each side of his mouth when he smiled. His smiles could make you forget all your troubles……. now they are gone from us here on this earth. I am sure he is smiling in Heaven, especially to be out of all the pain and suffering.

I loved the way Russell could roll his big brown eyes at you, without speaking a word. He had a way of letting you know his feelings……by just looking at you in a certain way. Russell was so funny about most everything, but after becoming involved in the gay lifestyle, the sparkle in his eyes was not there anymore.

Russell was always a happy, care free child growing up, and we have so many memories no one can take away. The loving thoughts of your child does not end when they become eighteen and leave home. They are always in your mind, and Satan cannot rob you of these thoughts and memories.

I can remember Russell’s hugs, he was so strong. I cry when I think of all the hugs and smiles we were robbed of  because of the homosexual lifestyle. Russell never seemed happy after his straying into this sinful behavior. We saw from experience, from his actions, he was not happy. He had trayed from what God wanted for him, and there is nothing but false happiness in this homosexual lifestyle.

I can see images of Russell when he left to go back to Baltimore. They are etched in my mind as if it were yesterday. It would be the last time we would see our son again here on this earth. His smile was frozen with the lens of our camera, as I took pictures of him to paint his portrait. Russell seemed so happy about my wanting to do this for him. Since his death, these pictures have become such a treasure for us. I’ve not been able to pick up a paint brush since the death of my son. Maybe someday…….I will be able to paint this portrait of Russell…….maybe for my book.

We had so much fun when Russell was posing for these pictures, never thinking he would leave us with just these beautiful smiles left on paper. We took many pictures of Russell, and are blessed to have them now. We want to share some of our pictures of Russell with others, to show what a precious, handsome young man who was needlessly taken from us.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           

Russell loved us and he knew we loved him. We feel he died wanting to see his family, and because of the lifestyle and the dirty, selfish ambitions of those around him, Russell did not get his dying wish. This was a cruel thing to do to Russell and to the family who loved him so much.

We will see him again one day, because we know he loved the Lord. Russell was a Christian, and even though he was living in sin, God is a forgiving God. Good thing, or we would all be in trouble. He is now forgiven and is in a better place. We know from some of the legal papers, while in the hospital, Russell asked for a religious person. I will talk more about that later. We miss him so much, and feel we were robbed of his beautiful life because of the homosexual lifestyle. It was not our choice he was alienated from us, and I really resent all the accusations we disowned him, (this seems to be Kevin and his parents, and the gay activist’s way of hurting us to other people. We looked everyday for Russell to come through our front door with that big smile, and tell us he had left that horrible lifestyle. 

Only a parent who has a child in this lifestyle, can know the pain that pierces into the heart when they hear those stinging word…………….. You fear the worst, you pray and wonder why? Then the worst happens……………your child is gone. Nothing will ever be the same. You want it to have been you, instead of your child. I would have given my life for Russell, not to have suffered as he did. Even though they make the choice to live in this sinful, destructive lifestyle, you never feel any different as a mother or father. You love your child, no matter what. It hurts because you only want the best for them, and they go down a path you know will harm them.

Reading Russell’s medical records about drove me crazy. I wasn’t with him, but I felt like I was sitting by his bed and couldn’t do anything to help him. What a nightmare? I only wish I could have been with him, hold him in my arms, and kiss him goodbye. 

Russell loved his family! Letting his parents be with him when he was dying, would have been thinking of Russell’s feelings. Instead of doing this, there was a cover up about his illness, death and burial to keep us from finding out he got AIDS. They knew we would know who gave it to him. It is so hard for us to realize how anyone could be so cruel as to go to the doctors and lie to them, to keep Russell’s parents from knowing of his illness. (All of this is documented.) We believe Russell had no choice in anything, before or after he got so ill. It was a well laid out plan to bleed him of his life, even getting control of his bank account. Russell had no say over his own money. This is usually the way of a controlling partner, to get control of the bank account, ( according to all my studies of controlling partners in homosexual relationships).

The homosexual agenda is to indoctrinate our children and loved ones into believing Satan’s lies. “It’s okay to be who you are,” say the homosexual activists. Being homosexual is not who Russell was, it was a sinful behavior. God forgives and he can change this behavior. Russell was under powerful control by Satan, but by God’s amazing grace, he is with Jesus now.

Russell is always on my mind, (every minute I am awake) just as he was when he was involved in the homosexual lifestyle. When I talk to other parents who have a child in the lifestyle, they say this is how they feel too. You can never forget your child, even when he chooses to go away from you, down a dark path into something you cannot even understand. No matter where I go, Russell will always be alive in my heart and mind.

We know how parents suffer when their child is doing something they know will hurt them, whether drugs, alcohol or homosexuality. Sometimes they all go together to steal the hearts and minds of our loved ones.

Carolyn Groff

Psalm 27:1

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