26th Mar, 2008

Going to Russell’s grave…………

The painful, on going battle, to be able to go sixty miles round trip, several times a week to our son’s grave; and try to mourn for him, has proven to be very devastating.

Those who master mind the harassment at Russell’s grave site, have made it clear they do not intend to stop. We have all but gotten on our knees, and begged to be left alone, to grieve for our son. The intentional harassment at Russell’s grave has caused us health issues, because of all the stress. This and the court case has taken its toll on us. 

We believe we are being targeted for harassment for our attempting to get Russell moved after finding out what happened to him, and how he was buried with a cover up of the facts. What is obvious to us, is the rules of the cemetery seem to be only for us and we have documented the differential treatment.

Where Russell is buried, we had a confrontation with three of the Religous Society of Friends on a Sunday, and the conversation led into my saying something about some research I had done. I stated to the three women who had been so rude and ugly to us, that we believed the Quakers of old would have kicked anyone out for any kind of sexual sin. They certainly would not have permitted the sin of homosexuality. 

We told them we had read a lot about the Quakers and how a lot of them were liberal branches from the original Quakers long ago.  One of the women said to me, “Well, we are different……!”  This statement reinforced to us what we had know all along. I don’t know if all of the Quakers now, hold to these beliefs or not. I would like to hear from Quakers who do not go along with the beliefs that homosexuality is an acceptable lifestyle for a Christian.

I don’t know how people can do what has been done to our son and to us, and get away with it? There was so much wrong that was done to Russell, and that is what was tried to be covered up. If the attorneys had done what they were supposed to have done, we would have won the case. 

We have for tried for over three years, to go to Russell’s grave and plant nice flowers and place wreaths with his picture and other mementos. They have constantly and maliciously, been taken off. Many times we go there the next day to find them gone.  The actions of these people have been, desecrating Russell’s grave. It is heartless and vicious, and without regard to the memory of our son. It is lack of care and concern for the heartbreak of our loss.


This is a picture of Russell’s grave last year, we had this wreath and things taken off. We have placed rocks around his grave now to keep the water from going into his grave, as the water flows down the hill and stands in his grave, and that is painful to us. We built it up with good dirt too. I hope to get some legislation passed to make private and religious cemeteries adhere to the same laws that other cemeteries have to adhere to. This is part of my goal.

When you love someone as we do Russell, you want to be able to go to his grave and keep it looking nice, and this is how you are able to mourn. They have never allowed us to mourn in peace. They have not right to do this, and even have buried him there.

It has been an expensive three years of trying to keep his grave from growing up in weeds and poison ivy. I get posion ivy every spring. A big tree limb fell on Russell’s grave a couple of months ago, and we know this is what is going to happen one day. The trees will fall on his grave, and disappear into the weeds and trash. The tree branch was all over his grave, as it had broken up. One neighbor said he removed a big piece of the limb,  that was sticking straight up in his grave. We thanked him for doing what he did, as he did not know what to do. He was very nice and respectful to our son’s grave. Tears filled my eyes for his kindness.

As mentioned in another article, the same kind of flowers we planted the first year Russell died, have now been planted on the only other grave there. She was buried in 2007. We had planted annuals at Russell’s grave the first and second Spring after Russell died and they were maliciously taken off. This was to harassing to us, and desecrating to Russell’s grave.

Some of the flowers we had planted on Russell’s grave, we found them planted along the path up the hill, they still had the straw from Russell’s grave site, around them.

When the other person was buried there, they were allowed to plant the same annuals (flowers that don’t come back the next year)that was taken from Russell’s grave. I have planted three trays (72 plants) of pansies, (in the fall, so his grave would look nice all winter and spring) and they have all been taken up. It took me all day to get these planted as I had to put down new soil and straw. My legs hurt so bad but as I worked, I knew that I was doing it for Russell. I guess I have put over thirty or more big bags Miracle grow on his grave. Some perennials (flowers that come back the next year) were also taken last year and the same ones have been planted on the other grave, (differential treatment).

The first year I planted tulip and daffodils in clumps from my garden. They took them and planted them along the pathway. It hurt us so bad because these were some of the bulbs Russell helped me plant when he was a little boy.

I am no longer able to plant things like I used to, since falling and hurting my leg on one of the steel marker stakes at Russell’s grave. This is a hazard there at the cemetery, especially when the leaves cover them up, as when I fell.

These things that have happened at Russell’s grave, along with the court case has been emotionally, physically and financially devastating for us. The stress of having to deal with all the things done to us and Russell’s grave-site, has been so painful to us. 

Other things that hurts us so bad, is that they keep taking the crosses we make for his grave. We know that it is because of the cross, that Russell is now in Heaven. They also called his picture “Trash,” and they keep taking it off.

For Easter, we put a larger cross than we usually put on Russell’s grave. Russell’s Dad hand made the cross from a limb from a tree in our yard,  and we put it at the head of his stone. He took such care to notch it so it would look good. We put a white piece of cloth on it draped as symbolic of the resurrection, (as Christians know about). We also made a crown of thorns and put on the Cross. On the bottom we typed a message to ask them not to take the symbol of Jesus’ resurrection from the tomb after being crucified for our sins. We knew they would take it, so we put a nice note to try to witness to them as we have tried everything else. This meant so much to us and our faith in Jesus Christ.

We prayed and left it in God’s hands even knowing they most likely would take it, we knew God was in charge and would use it to his glory. In placing this cross at the top of Russell’s grave, we knew it would please Russell and God. We just love Jesus so much and we know Russell did too, he just got so misguided.

When I told Lowell how sad it made me that they took the cross he took so much time making with his hands, he just said, “Well maybe it will be a witness to them.” We had been talking about,  “You have to answer to God (Jesus) for what ever you do, even if you don’t believe in him.” They will never give us our things back, and there should be a law against them doing what they are doing. Perhaps some laws need to be changed. This is thievery of a grave, and no matter if it is a private cemetery, they should be prosecuted for this. This is a woods, and nothing but a harsh reality of what can happen to his grave one day. I can’t stand leaving him there, and perhaps one day, God will help get him moved before I leave this world. If not, he will rise from that woods one day and meet Jesus in the clouds.

I placed this cross there on Saturday, and on Sunday evening we went back and it was gone along with Russell’s picture. It hurt so bad for them to take this as well as the ones we always leave, but this was EASTER!  Lowell had made a smaller one, so we replaced it and the picture. I keep copies of his colored 8×10 picture in my car, so that I can replace them when I go there. I could not tell you how many they have taken. We used to laminate them, but the cost was becoming tremendous so I started using clear plastic bags, that we could put over his picture and then I use packing tape to seal the edges of his picture backed by a piece of manila folder. Then we place them on a tripod made of branches from my Mom’s property. This was to replace the metal stands they kept taking. We always had a wreath and then a smaller stand with his picture with flowers on the top. They took so many of these stands we decided to just go natural and they maybe would leave them alone. They just kept on taking them.

I have pictures of all of the devastating destruction of the things we put at our son’s grave, since the beginning.

We are tormented by the taking of the Cross, his picture, his flowers. The flowers that are not taken are broken off just to harass us. As soon as something is ready to bloom, they break it off. The tulips have been broken off now, I noticed some were ready to bloom on Saturday when we were there, and when we returned on Sunday, they had been broken off. This has happened many times to our flowers. I will talk more about the grave-site as I go on.

Kevin stated in court records that “he” opted to not have a vault for Russell and that really tore us up. We believe Kevin buried him in a pine box, just to hurt us. 
We feel that it absolutely, was not the way Russell wanted to be buried. The burial document and the purported will that was presented in court, we will always believe, were not signed by Russell (if he did sign them) when he was competent to have signed any legal document. The medical records speak the truth.

God knows all about what has gone on at Russell’s grave, the hospitals,  and with this court case to bury our son properly. We believe according to the scriptures, he does not like the unscrupulous things that have been done, and some people are going to have a lot to answer for on judgement day. God’s sensitivities and ours are the ones that have been offended. They do not own our son’s body, even if they tried to control him when he was alive, God was the one in control.

The evil that men do………………………….is not going unnoticed by God in Heaven. I don’t have to worry about being threatened by those involved, because it is all being taken care of, in God’s time.

I would certainly be worried about taking a symbolic piece of Christianity and the ramifications of that, if I were the ones who took all the crosses from Russell’s grave. I would only wish that these people would come to know Jesus Christ…….wouldn’t that be wonderful!!!!!!

Proverbs 4:19 The way of the wicked is as darkness; they know not at what they stumble.
Proverbs 4:14 Enter not into the path of the wicked, and go not in the way of evil men.
Proverbs 4:16 For they sleep not, except they have done mischief; and their sleep is taken away, unless they cause some to fall


I am very sorry for the actions of those doing this great “mischief” (Proverbs 4:16) at Russell’s grave, and causing you more grief and pain. But as you said, God sees their actions and He won’t forget.

I pray that the darkness and blindness will be removed from their spiritual eyes, and that they will see God in all of His glory, and worship the Lamb of God, Jesus Christ.

Praise God, He lives so that we might have life eternal.

What a great comment! We appreciate your kind words with all our hearts. May God bless you for your ministry of love for the lost. May God touch the hearts of those who have been so vicious to us.

It is true that these people will have to answer for what they have done. I would think they would have a hard time sleeping at night.

Thanks again for your compassion and love for Jesus.


Leave a response

You must be logged in to post a comment.