19th Jan, 2009

After the holidays 2009


Times we celebrate, like Thanksgiving, Christmas, and birthdays are very hard on families who have lost a child, no matter what circumstances. As always, Lowell and I went through a lot of pain this year during the holidays. I  don’t believe things will ever get any better. I am sure the people involved in his death and burial, enjoy hearing this, because they love to torment us at his gravesite. With Russell, these holidays came near the date of his death, November 23, 2004, making Thanksgiving even harder. His birthday is January 3, so all of these dates together are very hard to handle.

When you are suffering the loss of a loved one, the holidays are like a bolt of lightening, shooting pain through your whole body, like you are dying. The pain is always there, but during the holidays, it is just much harder. Sometimes I have to draw a lot of strength from God to keep going to be able to tell about my son and the horrible tragedy of his death.

 You think about what could have been, when you see families in a store, at church, or even on television. They are so happy with their little ones, with gleaming hope of tomorrow. It is all around you, and you want to just shout to everyone, about the pain you are in. You just keep quiet though, and let everyone enjoy the happiness you once had with your children. You just realize this is the happiness, you can never have on this earth again.                                                                                     

As with years past, we grieve for the loss of Russell, and the pain it has caused our entire family. It has only been four years, but the pain still hurts like a knife in our hearts. You never get over it…..there are many kinds of pain from the loss of loved ones, but I don’t think any pain is greater than, the loss of a child. I have lost other loved ones, that have torn me apart, but losing my child was the worst.

Quite differently with the homosexual partner, who seems to be having a wonderful time, going on with his life. I believe in my heart, there was nothing to this relationship, but another person to manipulate. What has happened to our son, is beyond one’s imagination. I will never be able to understand anyone being so cruel, to take a son, destroy him, and then not allow the parents to have his remains, or even place anything on his grave. After all we went through, and with all the proof we had, ( our son was not competent to sign anything ) they still have control of his grave site. Only God understands, and he will deal with it his way.

It is an on going tribulation, to go to Russell’s grave, and try to grieve. They hold his body hostage, and take his memorials off his grave. People who grieve for their loved ones, know this is part of the grieving process, and it is a never ending process.

I know a lot of parents have lost their children to AIDS, and some have experienced a lot of horrible things surrounding these deaths; but in telling the story of what happened Russell, we hope these parents will step up and tell their stories. I will find a place in my book for anyone to tell their story. They can tell it on Russell’s website too, if desired, (without names). This is one way of helping to grieve, it is the only way I can keep going, writing on this website, and writing my book.

I went to Russell’s grave yesterday by myself, Lowell was sick with the flu. I could hardly make it myself, with on going health problems. I get so torn up when I go there, and find they have again taken his picture, CROSS (made of twigs) and flowers. This is why they do it, to hurt us….. and they claim to be peaceful……they are anything but peaceful! I was about froze, when I got his grave fixed back. My fingers were numb….as I worked to decorate it back, fighting tears that nearly froze on my face. I have arthritis, and find it hard to even go there. I believe these are some really evil and mean people at this place, with no hearts. No one can ever imagine what these people have put us through. Some day, when they are exposed, they will wish they had given us our son’s remains.

I guess what keeps irritating me the most, is that Kevin is out and about, and has evidently found a new partner. Our  son’s body is laying in a cold, wet grave, buried in a pine box, (without a vault) in a woods where we have to struggle to even go there and try to grieve. We grieve for the fact, Russell will never give us the happiness of grandchildren, or other things we have always thought we would enjoy from his life. Russell would have been a great father, he had great qualities.  I know we could have helped him if others would have stayed out of it.

I believe Kevin has no idea of what love is, just sexual conquering and self gratification. I know Russell is in a better place, but you want to know your child’s remains are buried with dignity, and where they will have perpetual care when we are gone. 

The Quakers,(Religious Society of Friends) took Russell’s bronze vase from his stone over a year ago, and would not give it back to us. We had to pay $310.00 to have a new one put there.  This was an illegal maneuver, ( a felony ) they did, and sometimes if you let people go long enough, they will eventually hang themselves. 

I would like to know what people think of someone who would do such a thing, and call themselves peaceful people, who serve God. I wonder what God they serve? The God I serve says in his WORD, these and many other scriptures:

Proverbs 6:14 Forwardness is in his heart, he diviseth mischief continually; he soeth discord. 6:15  Therefore shall his calamity come suddenly; suddenly shall he be broken tremedy. 6:16 These 6 things doth the Lord hate; yea, seven are an abomination unto him: 6:17, a proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, 6:18 A heart deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief, 6:19  A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren.

When I read scriptures like this from God’s Word, I know what is evil, and this is evil doings. I wanted to put these verses in the body of this story, as I believe these verses are what the Quakers, (Religious Society of Friends)Kevin, his family and followers have done.  Russell and his family have suffered a great loss because of false teachings, and thus resulting in the acceptance of homosexual behavior.  I believe each and every one of these people involved with the indoctrination of Russell is responsible for his death, and that of many others to come. These people will certainly suffer the judgement of our true God in Heaven.

I fear for those who unknowingly trust those who promote, and tell others this homosexual lifestyle is an acceptable lifestyle, and it is “who they are.” This is a lie from the pit of HELL! Russell was a trusting person, and he believed this lie!

I have read on the Internet, Kevin and his new partner spend some time at some friends house. This was a link about the Quakers. I hope this person. (the new partner) knows the true history of our son, and his death from AIDS. Maybe my stories helps to show what can happen when one falls for the lies of Satan. I get really emotional when I think of another young man having to suffer, and die like Russell did.

As I have written before, Russell died an unusually, horrific death, and all because of manipulation. One of which was that he was convinced taking Chinese herbal medicine was the best way, instead of taking the anti-viral drugs. I am sure this happens in a lot of the cases of death from AIDS. This devastating, and destructive lifestyle could never be anything but wrong in God’s eyes. I’ve written in detail about the anti-viral drugs not being made a factor in the court case, when the lawyer could have used this to show probable cause, for the purported will being made when Russell was nearly dead. 

Like a continuous stream flowing through my mind, I think all the time about what to write.  Sometimes these thoughts  seem to flood my mind. I just want to be able to do something to stop all of this insanity of the homosexual agenda, but I know I can’t. Only God can do this, and I know he is an angry God….just waiting for the right time to send his son here again.

How could our people who represent our country, possible think they can ever be a good leader, and uphold homosexual behavior?  I guess at this time and place, it is as acceptable as setting down and watching a program on television, that has homosexual content. People just look at it as normal, just like one person said to me about his roommate in college, being gay. I found the way he talked, he was not thinking it was wrong, as with many of the younger people of today.

It seems as if some have experimented with homosexuality, or are actually involved in it, but cannot admit it. I find homosexuality activity repulsive, but I know that God is love, and with God you love the homosexual, but hate the sin…… I just wish every Christian would stand up and fight this agenda,(instead of thinking this will never happen in my family) that will in some way find itself into their family one day, to cause such grief and pain we have suffered.

I will  be telling my son’s story as long as I have the privilege of free speech, and then I will probably go on doing it no matter what the consequences. We may not have this free speech for very much longer, if things go as they are going now. Every way we turn, our voices are hushed by the gay and pro gay activists. Just like our case in court to get our son’s body, we had all the proof, our son did not sign the purported will, and nothing was used in court, or even considered by the Judge.

“What a mess the world is in? Why can’t people listen to the Word of God, and there would never be another child die from homosexuality?”  This probably is debatable to those who do not believe in God’s word. More and more churches, are accepting this lifestyle….which is not an act of a true God fearing church. 

As I become acquainted with so many, I feel the pain and hurt because of so many vices of the world, (Satan). Churches that uphold Satan’s lies, and claim to know God, are really confusing to our young people.  As we have experience things about the Quakers, (Religious Society of Friends) and what they believe, we believe they are confusing our youth like Russell.  The little Cross we put on Russell’s grave offends the Quakers. We feel their beliefs are compounded with atheist and non believer’s ways of thinking.  I guess there may be some out there, who are Quakers, and do not believe this way; but with the ones we know about uphold the liberal teachings,  that do not hold true to Christian beliefs.

I am looking forward to others writing, and talking about these churches who do not hold true to the WORD OF GOD.

Lowell and Carolyn Groff

Proverbs 8:13 The fear of the Lord is to hate evil: pride, and arrogancy, and the evil way, and the forward mouth, do I hate.


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